I’m An Addict
I think there can be no worse addiction than food. Why? Because we cannot live without it.
Yesterday l decided to eat some chocolate. A little chocolate won’t hurt you, right? Well, it depends on the person. As a lot of you know I commit to what I am eating the day before. If I commit to eating chocolate, or whatever the treat I am usually okay with not going into what I call relapse. I will have moments as I did yesterday where I thought I should be able to control myself, eat a little chocolate, and be fine. Listen, I will never be the girl that eats a single Dove chocolate and says, oh that was just so great; I just needed a little something sweet. Insert eye roll. Sometimes my arrogance gets the best of me. I know better than to eat anything I have not planned. After the chocolate, there I was standing in the kitchen eating peanut butter out of the jar. Well shit.
There will be people that read this and say you need therapy. You are right. The therapist I was seeing became sick, and sadly I had to stop seeing her. I should always be working on myself. Oh, but is it work telling a new therapist all the stuff. I know what I am - an addict. Regardless of seeing a therapist or not, I know every single day my relationship with food will always be work. I acknowledge the importance of working through our daily struggles.
When I used to have relapses I would be so upset with myself it would lead into days of bad eating. Now? I’m disappointed in the choices I’ve made, but I move on. I know I have to hit the reset button.
If I’m being totally honest, these fitness pictures we are getting I’m excited and stressed about. I have been so disciplined, and instead of having planned treats with food, day in and day out I have ate to prepare for these pictures. It’s exhausting. I’ve decided I’m going to look strong and in shape, but you may not be able to see my abs, and I’m ok with that.
These things I know for sure:
If your weight isn’t where you want, ask yourself how you feel. If the answer is great then don’t worry about the scale. I’m not the weight I exactly wanted to be, but I’m at a weight my body feels happy at.
If your friends ask you to go to dinner, go - you have to live your life
When I’m triggered by food I often have other things in my mind I need to work out
The single greatest thing I’ve ever experienced in life is my closest relationships, not food
