Who You Are

Running through the grass barefoot saving wild bunnies from the mouth of my cat. I would bring the bunnies inside our house, nurse them back to health then set them free back into the wild. My sisters would say ew those are wild animals; you need to be careful. One time we had a mouse in our house, and I kid you not my sisters were on the kitchen table and called my dad home from work. I said I’ll catch the mouse. They were appalled.

At my core, I feel like I’m a wild spirit that loves animals, exploring my creative side, and being surrounded by positive energy, BUT I have created myself to be this type A personality. I recently had a very meaningful conversation. Let me preface this with saying I feel fortunate being adopted, but there was trauma associated. I was asked if you strip away the trauma who are you? Hm, well that is a good question. I actually think wanting constant control isn’t who I am at all; it is who I created myself to be, because I felt like I had no control for so long. 

I have felt less than for saying - I hate cooking, I do not make homemade treats for Henry’s class, and I like being taken care of. Pete brings me a coffee every single morning, and I love it. He also will cook anything I want and do laundry. I can feel independent as my own woman, and still love to be taken care of. Fuck the social norms that were created for women. We can be every type of woman we want to be. I will not  feel bad for not being a person I was never meant to be. 

Here’s a revelation - I am going to commit to stop trying to fill the potential I felt was lost on my biological parents. I am going to work hard every day to live my life for me. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I choose to let go, and just be. The world needs me as I am.