Never Grow Up
Do you ever have something happen so quickly in the moment, but that moment lasts for so long once it has passed?
I was walking through Starbucks when I locked eyes with a woman at the counter. I thought how familiar she looked. How did I know her? I knew she knew me by the way she was looking at me. We both just stared at each other until we were out of each other’s sight.
It hit me almost immediately after that the woman I just saw was my biological mother.
She has really been on my mind lately. I feel the best way that I am expressive is through writing. I would like to write this letter to her. Maybe this letter will find her eyes.
Dear E,
I find myself looking at a picture of you holding me as a baby listening to the song Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift.
Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreamin'
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have honey
If you could stay like that
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up
My mom, dad, and sisters would tell you I was not the easiest child to raise. I always wanted to do my own thing, and was so hard-headed. With that said, they were always there for me, and loved me unconditionally. We ate dinner together every night, they rarely missed a field trip, swim meet, or game that I cheered at. I had sisters to look up to. I watched Pretty Woman when I shouldn't have even known what sex was, but that is what big sisters are for, right?
The next part of the song reminds me of my next chapter of life.
You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's droppin' you off
At fourteen, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's gettin' older too
And don't lose the way that you dance
Around in your PJs getting ready for school
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone
So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Oh, oh
Don't you ever grow up
Oh (never grow up)
Just never grow up
I am now all grown up. I want you to know I had a good life. No. A great life. I have so much love in my life because of the love you had for me. I have always told myself I am loved by the person that gave me life, and the ones that have watched me go through it. Part of your heart always lives in mine.
